Thursday, May 6, 2010


I always have vivid dreams, that is nothing new. The problem with last night's nightmare is it was so realistic and it could actually happen. And in this nightmare, everything that happened... happened today. I recall even being upset I couldn't meet someone I had plans to meet next week or go to the club tonight and everything. Now I am terrified.

I don't know how big of news it seems to be at this moment, but in the oceans California, we have drilled down too far into the Earth and pissed her off. As I write this, hundreds of thousands of gallons of crude oil are spilling into the ocean and we don't have the technology to stop it. The oceans may very well die, taking us with them.

Yesterday in Australia, all communication via one of the largest networks in Australia went down. I thought nothing of it more than a minor annoyance. Apparently my subconcious is terrified.

I was eating lunch with a friend and we were doing our normal thing. We were giggling as we thought someone was watching us. We poked fun at a couple on a date. We spoke of times we had missed. And then.. people started leaving the restaurant. I thought, well, this is stupid. I noticed people started leaving their food behind, or before even getting their food. My friend left as well, because she couldn't understand why everyone was leaving. It started with a couple groups but everybody got curious and I sat there, determined to stay, until the waiters and chefs started to leave, too. Something was wrong.

Apparently this restaurant was in a popular mall, because when we filed out of the restaurant I was in a large building with a bunch of shops and a bunch of televisions. Everyone was watching.

There was a video of an Australian man off the coast of Queensland trying to stop the burning hot crude oil from exploding in his pipes. I saw him struggle with this giant pipe before it exploded and I watched him die. I saw this man's death. Everyone did. I could tell you what his outfit was. I could tell you where the smudges from work were on his hardhat. I could even tell you about his dark scratched up tan hands, which made him look older than he was. His death was that real to me.

We all gasped in horror and the newsanchor came on and said to us, "We have failed to cap the oil on our end." Everyone was incredibly sad. Nobody could actually say what we all knew. We were all going to die, sooner or later.

There was panic. I pulled my phone from my pocket and, score, we seemed to get signal. It was hard to get a connection, it took a few tries, but eventually everybody at some point got connected to who they wanted. We were being filed into the parking lot so we could all be filed out of the mall. Slowly, nobody wanted to die before they had a chance to say goodbye. Now that I look back, this mentality was pretty scary. We all knew we were going to die - so we weren't going to do it stampeding around a mall.

For some reason, I saw a candy shop and thought to buy Glynn a dark chocolate bar from Darrel Lea. I bought some other chocolates and the lady gave me half a bag for free. I paid ten dollar all up for everything. I have no idea why she still sat behind that register, but she seemed very sad and continued her work. I think she was scared.

I ran out of the mall, passing a small stall of Christmas decorations. I was sad. I would never see another Christmas. I don't know why this bothered me as much as it did. Maybe because, even though I don't celebrate Christmas, I was always fond of the shiny glitter and wrappers. I liked watching people like Christmas.

I called Glynn. He had seen the news. He would be waiting for me at home. Oh Gd, I said. My mother is in California! For some reason I didn't think about it for a week... she was right there! (she's not, actually, she's in Arizona now, which I am currently grateful for). I had to call her.

At this time I was outside of the mall, but I couldn't remember where my car was. The entire restaurant was huddled close to one another as we waited our turn to find out cars and go home - we had some sort of bizarre connection to each other. Afterall, we had all just learned we were going to die together. You may not know someone, but when you gain that information at the same time, you suddenly have this emotional bond.

I couldn't connect to my mother before this large black cloud of smoke filled the air. This bizarre disgusting smell filled my nostrils. Suddenly there was lightening in the cloud and it started raining. It started raining hot crude oil. At first it wasn't so bad. At first the air cooled it on the way down and you could get away. Then it started raining more and more and more - and by now you know I was outside.

The oil was having less and less time to cool as it fell. This mall was modern, it had lots of glass and holes in the ceiling to let sun in - like malls are these days. I ran under a tree but soon the leaves were shaking and dropping oil on me. I ran under an awning but the rain was getting too hard and hitting me there. I felt the burning. I saw people running, people screaming, people dying.

I recall telling someone I was lucky I had chickens and spare food at home but then.. I remembered I was lying. My chickens laid one egg a day. My food - I had not saved enough! I had simply not started growing enough vegetables in the garden to eat. I had simply not prepared enough meals in the freezer to make it between harvests. I had simply... failed. My family was going to die slowly once I got home and it was all my fault. I knew this.

So I ran. And I hid. I found a small triangle awning near the wall that the rain couldn't reach. It only fit me. I watched everyone around me die. I reached into my pocket to pull out my phone so I could call Glynn for the last time...

..and I woke up.

It was so real. So vivid. I can remember the feeling of burning hot oil dropping onto my skin. I can remember the sheer helplessness I felt. I remember the sad longing for one more Christmas, oh Gd, please, one more. Give me time. Give me time. It was so sudden and I was caught off guard and I wasn't prepared.

I'm going to take this dream as a warning. Maybe the world won't end, but hey, you never know. I'm going to work my arse off to be self-sufficient at home. I'm going out today and I'm getting more pots for gardening. I'm going to start more foods. This time next year I want to make sure my family is able to eat off what we have on the land. We won't have to, of course, but I refuse to feel that helplessness again. The realization that even if I did survive, we simply didn't have enough...

..well I'm not feeling that again.


  1. Maybe. Just maybe. It is your fear of not being in control ? All the things that were happening to you in your dream were out of your control.

    Death in dreams does not mean death in real life - like the death of that man.. doesn't mean someone will die in real life. No.. usually death means other things.

    Yet. At the same time, just reading what you wrote etc... my intuition is saying that you have a huge fear of not being in control and right now you feel you are not in control.

    I'm not saying this isn't common. Just what I'm feeling was the over-riding theme?

    As for me. Yeah. I've had a few interesting dreams lately too. I always do. Mine are vivid too. What I love best is that I always deal with my fears and big stresses in my dream state thus wake up feeling better because "I've released the fear or stress" in my dream state. If that makes sense?

  2. Odd you say that because another person interpreted my dream as being 'too much in control of everything and everyone depending on me and me failing them' and told me to stop being so controlling, LOL.

    I don't think I'm not in control.. I think I'm not prepared. I think shits going down and I haven't planned for the worst and at worst if I'm prepared, I lose a few hundred dollars worth of supplies or just never us them - so it's best to be prepared.

    Seasons Festival is tomorrow with lots of sales. I'll be buying more fruit and veg. :)