The Month of Living - Day 13

I've been sick this entire month. I've come to the conclusion that, well, not living sucks! How can people do this crap every day of their entire lives? I'm going absolutely bonkers. I want to live! I want to go outside and run in sprinklers (okay I actually did do that last week) and eat delicious foods from random countries and try poisonous things and fucking LIVE damnit.

It's funny. I had depression. I'm talking clinical hospitalization, padded room with no toothpaste kind of depression. Apparently, when deciding the items to take from someone who may or may not kill themselves, toothpaste is actually rather high on the list. Death by toothpaste? Sounds minty. I was never bad enough to consider killing myself with a tube of toothpaste, so maybe I wasn't as depressed as I thought.

As it happens, sometime along my long and eventful life, I stopped being depressed and now... well.. now I can't see why I was so stubborn as to not get the fuck over it and stop being so damn whiney. I want to smack my 15 year old self for not taking advantage of the fun things that come with being a teenager in LA. Instead I moped that I had no friends. Fuck friends! I could use one of those 24 hour ice cream sandwiches right about now.

I'm sick. I'm tired. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and I'm soooo over it!

I'm currently drinking this liquid that, I quote the doctor, "Tastes less like ass if you refrigerate it first." She's more or less right. Apparently it tastes like this childhood Australian drink 'Robena'. People apparently also still give this to their children, though the drink was proven to have a billion false claims and caused a food revolution on proper labels and packaging, but I digress - Australian children just love grape ass! So I am sitting here, being a total rebel by drinking my unrefrigerated Ass-grape juice. Mmm, living! That's got to be it, on some level.

So I'm failing miserably AT living at the moment... but I gotta say, I'm not failing at appreciating living. The fact I haven't vomitted in about 3 hours is a cause for rejoice in and of itself.

The MOMENT I feel better, I'll be driving out to the Bush until I don't see anybody and I'm pulling over, putting a blanket down and meditating. I bet it'll be awesome.