Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I am not Bridezilla.

There is something that needs to be said and I have a place to say it, so I'm going to. I am sick and tired of hearing the word "Bridezilla" being thrown around the second a bride has an opinion. Does that sounds familiar to you? Or does the bitch who also speaks her mind have something to say about it?

Women aren't allowed to complain. They can't be angry that they were charged a $300 for a stained dress and never got a refund. If they do, they're a 'Bridezilla'.

Women aren't allowed to be firm and steadfast. They can't be set on having their wedding under a specific tree because it's slightly out of town. That's unreasonable, 'Bridezilla'.

Women aren't allowed to question the prices of items. Why is a wedding dress $2000 when a prom dress in the same exact style $200? Don't question, just buy it, or you're a 'Bridezilla'.

Women can't be angry. Did one of her guests just ask her to change her entire menu around him a THIRD time, only a week before the wedding after all the supplies were purchased? Nope, if she gets mad and doesn't accomadate him, she's being "such a Bridezilla!".

Oh she's so sensitive because of the wedding. Oh she wants it her way because of the wedding. Better not upset her, she's getting married, she's a Bridezilla! Oh did you hear she's really angry because the caterer served lobster at her Jewish wedding? She shouldn't be such a Bridezilla! I mean, she got the lobster for the price of beef, what is she being such a Bridezilla about? The fact she can't eat it? Fucking Bridezilla.

I'm here to say I'm SICK of it. And for the love of all that is holy, me saying this is ALSO not being a Bridezilla.

Why? Because I KNOW I'm not the only one. I know there's engaged women who feel they can't say a word about how they feel because they might get labelled as being unreasonable women. Bitches without the same word. It's just another thing women can call women to make them feel torn apart and men can call women to excuse "their behaviour" and not take them seriously.

If I WASN'T getting married and someone charged me for a $300 dress that arrived stained and I never got the refund would I be a Bridezilla then? NO. I'd be a reasonable human being, wouldn't I?

If I WASN'T getting married and was having a birthday party under that tree, would I be unreasonable? NO. I'd simply want my party there.

If I WASN'T getting married would I still be expected to pay $2000 for a $200 dress? Nope. I'd be thrifty and smart.

If I WASN'T getting married and someone said to me that the birthday cake I had at my party better be dairy free after I already made it gluten free for the SAME person when they requested it, NOBODY would get mad at me for not making another one, would they!? No. They'd be greatful I went out of my way to make the gluten free cake to BEGIN with.

But no, because I (we!) am (are!) getting married, I'm unreasonable. I'm bitchy. I'm not allowed to complain. I'm not allowed to feel like you're ripping me off and I'm certainly not allowed to tell you you're ripping me off. I'm simply not allowed to stand up for myself.

And that, my friends, is bullshit.

All the brides out there!! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. Question the $2000 dresses and inlaws that ask you to PAY for their full plane and hotel costs and then book a super expensive hotel!!

Remember to tell them NO you really CAN'T afford to do that and NO you're not being unreasonable in asking them to pick a more reasonable hotel and NO you're not being unreasonable for thinking they should pay their hotel to begin with!

I'm looking at you, father of the bride at that last wedding I went to. You're a jerk. Your daughter? IS NOT A BRIDEZILLA.

You've done your best to accomodate everyone but yourself and yet people keep telling you it's 'your' day. Really? Yours!? Then why are you unreasonable for wanting an unstained dress and a full refund? Why are you unreasonable for buying a black suit and getting a blue one? In the world of NON-WEDDINGS, it's perfectly reasonable to be upset when you spend a lot of money on things and DON'T GET THOSE THINGS.

SO GO. RETURN THAT DRESS. DEMAND THAT REFUND. SAY NO TO LIMOS FOR THE KIDS. SAY NO TO THAT AUNT YOU DON'T EVEN WANT THERE. She's just going to call you a bitch and then ruin your day and make a comment on your dress and you KNOW it. Everyone knows it! But you're a fucking Bridezilla if you don't invite her and spend $200 on her food so she can give you a used toaster an unsolicited advice about your sexual history.

And I know every single bride out there can relate with SOMETHING I have said. I know it. I know you've been told you're being unreasonable. I know you've invited someone you didn't want to because you feared the backlash and how it would make you look. I know you've gotten ripped off on some item for the wedding and were made to feel you couldn't discuss it. Heck, I know you were also probably bait and switched in quality AND price at the very last minute and HAD no choice but to spend $300 more for plastic tables when you ordered wood.

And you know what? I'm done. I'm done accepting it. I'm done not being called names because I HAPPEN to be getting married around the time I am purchasing lots of items or trusting in lots of people. It's not FAIR and it NEEDS to be said.

STOP calling brides Bridezillas when they have an opinion!! You too! I'm not just here on behalf of brides! One of you has DONE it. Remember your wedding? Or if you haven't had one, think about all the tiny details that go into it. Flowers, invites, friends, colours, locations, money, money, money... and you honestly, honestly, can't get TOO upset when she says she can't afford to accomodate a special request from you?

She's probably gotten a special request from EVERYONE and try as she might.. try as she might.. she just can't get to all of them. I'm not saying she's out to purposefully step on your hopes of riding an elephant to the ceremony, but she really honestly just doesn't have large mammal parking, sorry. So don't call her names. Just take the car.

The bride isn't trying to hurt you by having her wedding under that tree, she just really really loves that tree and damnit... you love her, right? So stop complaining and do the ONE thing she asked without calling her names for asking for it! You keep saying you'd give her anything.. so fucking do it!

And that's all I have to say.

- Not a Bitch. Not a Bridezilla. Just Elizabeth. Just me.

Edit: Brides! Future Brides! Faux Bridezilla witnesses! Post your stories here! What happened to you where you were made to feel you couldn't fight back just because you were a bride? What were you forced to put up with for the sake of not being 'difficult'?!


  1. Oh sweetie, I don't think you're a Bridezilla. You're just a bitch all the time. :P

    But f*ck paying wedding prices. I was told a long time ago that you add up all the costs to make a wedding dress (i.e. what it would sell for normally) and you just double it. No explanation given. I'll bet every wedding related industry has it's variation, like that bait and switch example. I'm not saying that all such places are shoddy, just that it's an excellent time to scam people. I guess encouraging that Bridezilla "money is no object" attitudes is in their best interests too.

    My apologies to your specific friends and family, but f*ck expecting the couple to pay for guests. It's extremely polite if you can afford it to offer plane tickets etc, but that can end up costing more than the wedding. I understood that a lot of invites to distant people are under the premise of "it would be awesome if you could come but if you can't, know that we are thinking of you". Then again, I grew up in the sort of affluence where "bring a plate" (I think that's the same as pot luck) was the normal method of feeding your guests after the wedding.

    Surprise shellfish? Really? Don't they take away your license or something for that? Did they at least provide adrenalin shots? That's fair to be angry about, even without the kosher bit.

    Eh, I'm not going to go through everything. Where I'd draw the Bridezilla line is when you insist that all your bridesmaids wear something they hate and make them pay for it. As long as you didn't do that, you're probably cool <3

  2. Just do what you want hun. Fuck em off. I did what I wanted, and noone dared say otherwise OR call me a bridezilla or any other name (at least to my face), perhaps they knew i would rip them a new one. :) *sparkle!* But thinking back, my wedding planning went extremely smoothly and without a hitch or drama. So i guess i can just thank my lucky stars... Good luck and keep strong. Just walk away. Its their issue, not yours. <3

  3. What an amazing post! You rock, Liz :) Such a relief to realize I am not the only one who feels this way! Like you, I am planning the most laid-back wedding possible, and do not even have a *ton* of opinions about what I want - but the things I do want BETTER be there. That does NOT make me a bridezilla - that means I want the ONE wedding day of my life to be beautiful, memorable, and everything I've ever wanted. You are amazing - wish we lived closer so we could meet! I had a BLAST doing your wedding invitations and the word "bridezilla" didn't come to mind ONCE while working with you! xo