I have cried for a total of five minutes this entire tragedy. Only when I could not locate a dear friend for over 24 hours, I broke down and sobbed. Why can't I help them? I asked my husband. He just held me in the park and rocked me until I calmed down and smiled at the baby birds coming down to eat all the worms. Then I stood, brushed myself off, and kept looking.
I have danced a total of two hundred minutes this entire tragedy. I have listene to stupid music I always hated - bopping mindless crap and I have danced. I have swung my hips, I have smiled. My husband and I have gotten even closer, if that were possible. We danced every night we got home. We went out to eat and he ordered cake, which I would normally chide him for, but this time I told the waitress, "Bring him anything he wants! Boy has earned it!" He got icecream too.
There's more jokes than tears here. More smiles than frowns. There is a lot of looks of disbelief; first at the horror then at the kindness. The faces change so drastically in those few minutes of awareness. You watch their expressions change and you know, you know right then that they won't forget this sight - they will take this with them and they will be humbled. They look down for they cannot take the whole picture in any longer. Daring to cast their eyes slightly higher in search of the first tool they can find, they grab and they work - they work until their hands fucking bleed - because the sight of their cracked broken hands is more pleasurable than the sight of the town should they look up from their task. Nobody looks up for more than a couple seconds - it's too much. It's a lot of information and most of us just simply can't process it.
Today is day #5 for me, day #7 for the victims. I feel like an ass writing about my feelings because I am not hurt - I am not destroyed. I lost no friends, I lost no family, I lost no home - I am one of the happy lucky people. My feelings are not tragic. My feelings are not important. I can barely take photos of the places I come near because doing so just feels like show boating mockery. This is someone's home, you don't show the world how it's destroyed.
But I do - people need to see - see what it is they need to fix. So much work - can you see? So much. Please, come help. Bring shovels, pitchforks, hoses, strength, heart and love. There is nothing you can't bring. C'mon Aussies, Australia needs you.